| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2007|06:14 pm] |
i cried today
not for you or for me or for us
but for him and his family
and his daughter
you will always be remembered.
1983-2007
sean taylor |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|09:06 pm] |
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love and hate are far too close these days. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 24th, 2007|07:04 pm] |
im not sure that i miss you
im not sure that i just dont miss
the you that you were 5 years ago
or the me that i was 5 years ago
or the we that we were 5 years ago
in all likeliness i might just miss the flutter. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2007|04:45 pm] |
attempt #312
most likely
maybe this time it will work
if for no other reason than
there is none
this time it isnt a replacement
but an addition
i think that is important
not in general
but for me
maybe that is all ill get from this
and thats ok
for right now. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|12:38 pm] |
when i walked home it felt like a wedding
the white flowers on the wet black trees
petals falling on my skin
the bells of the church
but im sure the cars parked along the street
came for a funeral. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 31st, 2007|11:53 am] |
she decided she had to start doing things for herself
they werent coming through like they used to
and she started today
theres nothing favorable about saturday as a starting point
and she liked it that way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|06:03 am] |
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its already happening. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 24th, 2006|10:46 pm] |
im doing things because i told myself i would
its pretty amazing
i think i needed some time alone
because im getting back to how i used to be
and im not disappointing myself
and im happy in a wierd way
i dont know if its because im too busy to think about it
but either way im not going to pry
cuz this isnt just a phase
dont think i dont have the willpower
this is a lifesyle
and this lifestyle ill use for more than 20 min
because your gone
and im fine with it
because ill be better for it
this is my new sex |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2006|11:17 am] |
i want their reality
i want your words to be real even if it only lasts that moment
i want to believe you
i wish they called me echo
i like that name
and the thought that if i left i could come back the same
not exactly but mostly.
but if i left i dont know if i would make it back at all
i wish i met him
and talked to him
he sounds like one of the smartest people ive heard
ive fallen in love with his words
and cried at his funeral. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|03:07 pm] |
all i want to do this summer
go places, read, ,see art, write, take pictures
maybe fall in love
not with someone necessarily but something. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2006|09:08 pm] |
this is the point at which i break
break into pieces
and break away from you
all of you
so dont criticize my life
you drove me to it
id do anything to get away from this
ill cut the strings
because this time next year
i should have my plane tickets booked
to california
and maryland will just be an outline
i wont be full of it
and its drama and bullshit. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 10th, 2006|11:01 pm] |
i want to get away from here more than i ever have
things are too complicated here
too involved
too much history
and i choose the cop out
i want simple
i want a new beginning
i want to get out of this state
of this coast
out of this country
and i wonder about his month
about the words that fill those books
and i wonder if i stopped talking for a month
who would be bothered enough
to watch me spell out each word
and there is a reason that we still keep in touch
theres i reason i cant let him go
and its because i still find his voice
its been 2 years and
i still find it at the other end of the line
2 years of bullshit
and then 10 minutes of reality
and i know its worth it
because neither of us forgot
and i guess that is what im looking for now
in everyone else
and i dont know if it is there
and if its not there
i dont know how to live here
and i want to go before i find out
i want to be away
where things cant get tangled
because they are
they are so knotted i cant find a beginning or end
a place to even start
and i want to cut the strings
cut the strings and get out of this mess
tell me theres a couch somewhere out of here
because that is where i feel the most home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|12:09 am] |
i need to differentiate here from there
and realize that im here now
at least for another month
and that is what is important
and when im there
that will be important
and when im neither here nor there
they can work together
but currently im not so sure that is the case.
im still getting used to the feel of my own bed
trying to make the dreams stop
so i can sleep and worry about things when im awake.
i thought stepping out of the city would help
it made it worse
i need to step out of the state
and go see elizabeth and matt
i need the clarirty. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|11:36 am] |
i can say that im truly loving the present
that ive stopped wanting things to be like they were
because they were already
and they were perfect and they will stay that way
and i want to drive to the beach
because to me 3 hrs. doesnt seem that long
and i like the way the sand feels between my toes
and the smell of suntan lotion
and i want to stay in baltimore more than i ever have
because there is something about summer
that makes it desirable
not just bearable |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 7th, 2006|11:07 pm] |
so i dont really use this but incase someone is reading... perhaps elina i will update like i promised i would.
i have gotten uncontrolable fat, but its cold and i can cover it up so im not too concerned at the present moment
its most likely due to the fact that im an ass and drink too much beer that isnt lite.
speaking of which the new conquest to make beer is going down right here in 307 1b
so get out the barley and hops!
speaking of which this weekend was absolutly out of control.
its nice that we can all still play even this late in the game
how are we half way through college someone please tell me!
um so bascially i have internet again and can once again be sociable
even though i just work all week and lay around all weekend.
pretty much i just want to lay in bed all day long.
 |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2005|07:43 pm] |
over break i need to:
loose weight/be healthier
make money
take pictures.
all i really want to do:
go to switzerland. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2005|04:17 pm] |
i need to take pictures that mean something to me
i need to just take pictures
more
all the time
im getting excited for winter
i dotn really know why
its the first thing ive been excited about in a long time
uh thats it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2005|04:11 pm] |
right now im falling apart
completely
i need to get my mind
wrapped around something
i need friday to be here
i need to see you
and be reminded of when things
werent so fucked up
you remind me of something
other than this city. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 16th, 2005|09:04 pm] |
i need us to be undoubtabley real
or not at all.
i need the connection
the dialogue
the exchange
i need these things for us to be
anything
no exceptions
not anymore
so dont say i wrote you out
you wrote yourself out
so i hope your one hell
of a comeback kid
because i have enough
shit in my life
without you stirring it up
its clear your intensions
arent enough for me
i guess ive become insensitive
maybe ive just realized im worth more
it took 3 years for her words to sink in
either way i need the good in my life
to be real
not just the tragedy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|06:33 pm] |
i dont think anyone reads this anymore...
i hardly write anymore
but im finding that maybe i need to
because looking back im finding myself scattered
i think thats it, what i am anyway
thats the word that ultimately describes me
scattered
scattered
i dont think this is a good thing
it seems good at the right pace
when things arent moving too fast or too slow
things are moving too fast
and when they dont i wish they were
because the images in my head
that keep replaying are too much
and i dont know how to find beauty anymore
and im here in baltimore
and the beauty is gone
because ive looked at it too long and deep
and i dont sleep when im supposed to
i stay up all night
and when i drive at 3am
i dont see beauty
i see alone
alone spead all over the city, scattered
prosititutes, homeless, rats, and broken glass
and nothing about it is beautiful
the weekends have become nothing but empty beer bottles
and cigarette cartons
waiting for the week to start again
waiting for time to start moving too fast
waiting to go home
but i dont know what to
when i was away this summer i saw friends, a group
and i remembered our group
and i remembered that set feeling
and i missed it
i missed it as in i longed for it
and i missed it because it happened and i wasnt there
for the get togethers and trips
for the talks and the laughs
i got the second hand stories
and a scattered experience
its what i wanted then
but now i have nothing to go back to
nothing to fit into
nothing with meaning.
scattered. |
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